just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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