And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She announced her abortion via fbk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
