Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
