Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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