i don't like sucking hair
there's paper in my vomit.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
