My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
