It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
