Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
