Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
