I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
