Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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