i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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