there's paper in my vomit.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
