just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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