So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
