I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
