I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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