as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
