She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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