why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
