dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
