yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
