The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
