Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
