I will die if light touches me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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