there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
