2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
