please come you make the beer taste better
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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