do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
