He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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