i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
