she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sext me about skeletons
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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