walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
barbara walters just said penis...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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