I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
