she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
