I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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