Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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