Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
