I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
