So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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