Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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