In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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