Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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