Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We had to coat check the pizza.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
