she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
