Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize