So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
