dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
