I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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