her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
