Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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