wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
