o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
