I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
