We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this boner is exhausting
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
